KNIGHTS IN SATAN'S SERVICE

"Knights in Satan's Service," is an Urban Legend lovingly acknowledged in the film Detroit Rock City, and also by a few prominent religious leaders (for a discussion of mormonism and 70's rock, check my old blog). Most anyone with a few braincells to mash together knows this legend to be false, that Paul Stanley named the band KISS in tribute to the New York Dolls and though they used the para-military Schutzstaffel to get some heat (Jewish rock boys from NYC) methinks this was really all just an aesthetic decision. I'm of the mind that 4 letter/one syllable is the perfect aesthetic for a band name (RUSH, CROM, etc) which is why I'm so jazzed my friends have a band called "CRUD" right now. Anyway, don't get me wrong: a bunch of weirdos in kabuki makeup singing about, you know...rockin, probably freaked out some 70's parents, but no way was this band really in league with satan.

Dylan Chadwick is a rock writer who tweets and Instagrams at @drugdogs. He snuck out with a friend in 2001 to see KISS and Ted Nugent at the Kentucky State Fair where he saw the Nuge shoot his guitar with a bow and arrow. 

E-town's Finest (Personal KISS-tories)

Like most of you, I grew up in boring suburban town. The only distinction is that Cameron Crowe has made a shitty movie about my boring suburban town (Elizabethtown) and he probably hasn't made one about yours. Me and my goofball friends used to struggle with stuff to do and so we'd get on the Elizabethtown Wikipedia page and invent "famous" celebrities from there, back in the era when you could do such things...only our celebrities weren't so famous. We tried to get a running joke that Eric Carr, 2nd KISS drummer was an OG E-towner but it never took. I don't know how in the blue hell we thought this would be a good or funny idea, but we did and here I am talking about it. We hadn't discovered drugs or vandalism?

Konosha Rock City (Personal KISS-tories)

No band from my "era" jumped the shark more deftly than Weezer. Two phenomenal albums, followed by one decent one, followed by 60 garbage ones that my little sister has probably heard more than me. Perhaps "nerd rock" tag is a bit staid now, but I have a whole mess of great memories playing A Link to the Past whilst listening to that Blue album over and over and over and over, my favorite tracks being "The World Has Turned and Left Me Here" and of course the introvert's anthem "In the Garage."

I've got posters on my wall

my favorite rock group KISS

I've got Ace Frehley, I've got Peter Criss

Waiting there for me, yes I do.

I Love the fact that Cuomo's fav rock band is/was KISS and that he doesn't reference Paul Stanley or Gene Simmons. Straight up, Frehley is the man, and Gene Simmons and Donald Trump appear to be the same person.

One Man's Trash (Personal KISS-tories)

"If the Beatles wanted to be bigger than Jesus, KISS wanted to be bigger than Coca-Cola."
-Chuck Klosterman, a VH1 documentary I watched in high school. 

One man's trash: At an antique mall in Salt Lake City, I stumbled upon an entire chest full of KISS spiral bound notebooks, all dated from 1978, and containing sign up sheets for the KISS army. The cover reminded me of my own grade school years spent secretly carving Metallica logos into desks, while the inside contents (incoherent streams, personal journaling, grocery lists, biology notes and a movie script) all looped out pencil cursive reminded me of all the useless skills my middle school teachers INSISTED we'd need in the real world. I want to think this was all written by some mustachioed high school hesher, the kinda dude who bought Destroyer based on the cover art alone, and I'll stick to that. Maybe I just fetishize a bygone era when KISS was bigger than life and people still wrote in cursive.